Girls Have no Heart?
One of my friends comes up to me one day, and says, “I tell you, girls have no heart… none whatsoever!” in this extremely hurt and angry voice.
“Fine”, I say, “and you say that because…?”
“Because,” he replies, “they play with love”
“And what do you know about love?” I scoff, very amused by this topic of conversation.
“ I’ll have you know, that I’m extremely well-informed on love!” He exclaims.
“Of course, and that’s why she left you!”
“She didn’t leave me because I don’t know about love, she left me because SHE doesn’t know about love!” He cries indignantly, “She said she loved me! She said she would NEVER leave me! How could she then just walk out on me?”
“She just walked out on you? Just like that?” I ask
“Yes! Just like that!” he wailed, “Girls don’t know what it means to say ‘I love you’! They just say it because they don’t want us to feel bad! Its not like they truly mean it!” Now he was completely tear-stricken, his head in his hands.
I mean it hurt, to hear him saying things about girls, even though I’m sure he knew that I was one!
“Okay, maybe she didn’t know the meaning of love! How can you expect her to? She’s only fifteen!” (Okay I wasn’t really sure how old she was but I guess I got it right!)
I didn’t think this would make him feel any better, but it was the truth, and he had to face it sometime!
“Then why did she say she loved me? Why? When I told her I loved her, why didn’t she just tell me that she didn’t?” He cried
I guess some guys will always be drama queens (or kings)! It doesn’t make sense though; these people claim to have found love, at age fifteen… how? Okay it probably is possible, but how do you know its love? I mean hearts may break at age fifteen, but there’s a whole life ahead waiting to be lived? Why brood?
I suppose it was her wrong in saying she loved him, but when a guy tells you something as intimate and meaningful as “I love you”, you can’t dismiss it! Its either “I love you too” or “I don’t love you so what’s the point going out?”
Those are, honestly the only two choices! According to me anyways, I’m assuming this post’s going to be pretty controversial, and if it isn’t… then I’ve got it right!
posted by Sucheta @ 4:57 AM
16 comments
16 Comments:
WOW! You are really asking for it with this post...aren't you??
For one thing - What do you mean "It doesn’t make sense though; these people claim to have found love, at age fifteen… how?" Hmmm...?
One more thing...you really think that those are the only 2 options? I actually know people who have really liked their boy friends but haven't been ready to use the word "love". The problem occurs when there is a difference in level of sensitivity between the guy and the girl. Some people don't think it a very big thing to say "I love you" and some people do. In this case, this guy friend of yours was more sensitive to these things than his girlfriend. That's all.
I have never seen a relationship start OFF being "I love you!" - "I love you too!!". So, according to me, the only feesable option is to be open with one's partner, and communicate the parameters of what one is willing to say and what one is willing to mean.
The problem is, not everyone always means what they say.
No, I don't actually think i'm asking for it at all! The conversation actually happened and I shared it (with the approval of my friend) with other people!
And i meant that those are the only options when someone tells you that they truly and deeply love you! When someone thinks they're ready to tell you something like that, its no joke! Especially when you know they mean it!
And I would say that "difference in level of sensitivity" may be putting it a bit mildly, considering that someone's telling you that they'll love you forever here!
No, relationships never start off being "I love you" - "I love you too!" but I'm not talking about the beginning of relationships, I'm talking about that stage in a realtionship when one person is ready to say and mean "I love you" and the other isn't!
Well, I don't see the problem of findding love at 15. Just because we aren't legally adults by law does not mean that we are not leagally adults by nature. Some people do find love at whatever age, and I believe taht it is unfair to segregate those who can and those who cannot find love by age.
Those are quite obviously not the only two choices. There are so many people who decide hat they don't love person X, but they still wanna be firends with him/her/it. Call it love or confusion, it does happen.
There is always another way around everything - especially as we are Indian. We can get over the BIGGEST obstacles ever. Blame it on creativity.
Cheers!!
Aveek
Didn't say there was a problem finding love at 15, but the problem is because most 15 year olds can't handle love (cliched, but its true most of the time)! Him/her/it? I'm sure Its also fall in love i guess...
Su...ok. I didn't think the post was so specific...I guess I just didn't understand completely what you were trying to say...
Rati...absolutely. 'Nuff said.
Aveek...that's true upto a point. It's all fine to equate ourselves to (mental) adults, and want our respect...or whatever it is you are trying to say...but all I'm saying is that 15 is a bit early to completely understand love and its implications...
However, I will say, that this topic is probably the MOST personal one EVER to be discussed...so it's not like we will ever reach a consensus! =D
True Meghna, it is pretty personal... I guess there wasn't much point bringing it up, but then I was bored to death and had this conversation on msn, and just thought it was pretty entertaining...especially since the guy I was talking about has had about two more girlfriends since this conversation took place!
So his idea of love, and his oh so broken and aching heart didnt last more than three days! Of course in those three days there was no dirth of self pity coming from him... but life goes on I suppose, and goes on pretty alright for him now with the whole three girlfriends thing going for him!
I guess after listening to him talk about how well those girls kiss (trust me he was going into all kinds of details...yeagh), the whole debate (if you call it that) we've been having on love seems pretty, well, pointless...
Su, I don't mean to delve into this issue or offfend you or anything, but what exactly were your POVs on dating, love, and relationships until about 6 months ago...? Again, I emphasize that I do not mean to offend or in any way target you(or anyone else for that matter) and it is just a quesiotn that I am curious about and have had a few thoughts on myself. You have all the right to choose no to answer the question and I shall nott go any furthur... I would just like to know, thats all...
Cheers!!
Aveek
Yea...very personal! But we did establish one point from this...er...debate! That the trick is, to find someone as sensitive to these kinda things as you are.
Frankly, I think this friend of yours is an idiot, if he could get so freaked because a girl didn't say she loved him back, and then have a gf the next week! The girl actually DID have a heart! By not saying something she didn't mean, she wasn't stringing him along by false pretences! So I would just tell this guy to stop wallowing and get on with his life.
Hmmm... Aveek... Why six months? And I'm not most comfortable on publishing my views on dating on the internet! Especially since i know that some people don't have the same views... I guess my views are different because I've lived in Canada and seen how teens there regard dating as just another part of life, rather that a search for love or whatever... I wouldn't mind sharing my views, but I don't want my views on this blog, and i don't want people arguing or debaating over my opinions ( I can be a bit stubborn when it comes to opinions!)... So Aveek I'll let you know some other time i guess! Sorry!
Meghna... I completely, wholly, totally agree!!!
Su: Peace... yeah, I kinda wonder why everyone makes such a big fuss bout dating here... it can get a bit annoying, sometimes...
Six months(actually about a year, now... time does fly), because thats when you started 'dating' (the quotes are there for a reasson :-P)... so, was just a bit qurious... peace. I guess we 3 (Mia, You, Me) can meet sometime in May...? Been meaning to meeet you two for a bt now, just never found the time... hehe...
Su, WE AGREE??? gah!! lol~But it's true isn't it? And I couldn't help but get the feeling that the whole "i don't want people arguing or debaating over my opinions " was directed at me?? Sorry...I don't think I make a big deal about it...I won't if you do post your opinions.
One thing: I don't think that the reason your more free (open? Un-big-deal-y?) than most people is because you've lived in Canada. I know loads of people who have lived ONLY in Delhi all their lives who really push it with these things. So don't give me that.
Aveek, didn't you get your timing a bit wrong?? And sure...
Yeah, um Aveek... Meghna won't be back from singi till the end of may!!! But if you can figure a time and day thats okay for you and Meghna, then its alright with me!
Ooooh? Interesting comment... :-p... ok, I dunno how off my timing is, but you get the message, right?... Mia, when are ya back...?
I'm back on the 26th of May...night or morning...I'm not too sure about...! lol
15 years and you say that age is enough to decide your life partner just bcoz you like him/her a little more than anyone else at that instant phase of your life ?
Truly speaking a serious love affair will be probably when one is in the early twenties.
Fair enough and if you dont think so then hold on to the little friendship you have for years and finally give the relationship a name.
Right now keep it to friendship,thats itself says a lot!
-Rahul
I've glossed over most of the comments because I wanted to concentrate on commenting on the original post.
BRAVO Sucheta! People expect to find love at fifteen and stay with that person in that same state of love for the rest of their lives? I personally don’t believe it’s possible, and certainly don’t wish it. What would we do if the first love turned out to reject you? I think that there is no such thing as one person who is right for one individual. There are several people in the world who you could fall in love with just as much as the last. The Bollywood concept of somewhere someone is right for you is a bit skewed that way.
I also do not subscribe to the view that while we may not be legally and socially seen to be in a serious relationship, we actually are in terms of maturity. It simply isn’t so at fifteen.
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